“The wind is blowing so calmly, yet I can feel my heart tremble. The sun shines on me, welcoming a new day. The clouds seem a little happier today, forming shapes that have been making me occupied. The sky is clear, no signs that it will rain. I went to the kitchen, looked for some food on the fridge. There I find a tuna sandwich and an orange juice, just what I wanted actually. I sat down, watched tv, browsed through the channels, actually found nothing that interests me at all. After finishing what I eat, I turned off the tv, head on to the shower to freshen myself up, and to think. You know what they say about people making decisions while on the shower? well, I’m one of them. I think hard whenever I’m on the shower, i tend to clear my head a lot just as much as clear my body from dirt and sweat. I guess the question that always pops on my mind is “Am i happy?”. So long i have been asking myself this but so long also I haven’t been able to find the  real answer. Maybe because i tend to convince myself that i really am, and why do I even thought of asking myself this question. After my 30-minute long shower, I dressed up, went outside to just spend some dull time. While I’m out, I thought “why am I even here?” My work is stressing me, my workmates are pissing me off, in short, what I love before is actually becoming a burden now. So why am I even letting myself stay? I am so bad when it comes to decision making, I make a lot of mistakes. And I mean, a lot. Even major life decisions so that’s why maybe I end up here. You know the feeling when you feel like you are tired of being who you’ve become? I’m just so sick of being this person who I don’t know how i became? After a few hours of endless procrastinations, walking and thinking, I decided to go home. With all these stuff on my head, I think I might need to rest a bit. All my life, sleep has been my way of escaping reality.”

“There are times i just want to run back to you and tell you how much i miss you and how much i wanted to be with you but i just can’t really because we live in a very different way now. You have your life now, you’re happy, and so am i. I just wish we could be together again some other time, like you know, catch up with each other, have a drink, or maybe eat somewhere, you know like, how we used to be, just talk. I just miss the old times, I just miss you.”

“Maybe it was me. Maybe i should have been more understanding, should have been more patient, should have been…better. Then maybe i can still be writing poems full of inspiration and he’s here holding my hand, or watching me sleep, running his fingers through my hair. If i could turn back time, i would always go back to the time that we met, became friends, then more than that. But no, in reality, it really does not happen, all i can do is just reminisce those times where we were happy as if nothing would ever hurt. And these memories will keep reminding me that once in my life, i had you, and telling myself, maybe it was really me.”

She woke up with dried tears on her cheeks, she can barely breathe. Everything that happened last night flashed back in her eyes like a wind that suddenly blew into her open window. She stared on the ceiling, her mind was blank, she cannot think of anything except what happened last night. The rays of the sun started to embrace her body as the morning breeze made her curtains dance as if telling her it’s a new day, get up, and smile. She can hear the cars passing by, the children laughing and playing outside, the dogs barking, and the birds humming a song on a bright morning. She looked at her mobile. It’s 7:30am, she sighed, thinking that this day is going to be just like the other days. She reached for her blanket, embraced herself, trying not to remember the previous night, but no matter how hard she keep herself from remembering, the more the memory sinks in her thoughts. She got up, looked outside the window, felt the warm blessing of the sun, and touch of the wind. She saw a couple on the street, holding hands, giggling and walking towards the bus station. In her mind she wanted to forget but in her heart, she knows she will forever carry the pain, and things will never be the same again.

She stood there by the bus station, she wears a white dress with a black flower brooch that makes her look more elegant but still simple in a way. Her hair is pitch black, below the shoulder length, silky straight, she looks prettier as ever before even with the simplest make up. For her, simple is always beautiful. People are walking by, others will even have a second look at her, some will just stare, some will just plainly look. Cars kept passing by, the street is as busy as always. She could feel the warm breeze on her cheeks but she feels it’s getting colder. She looked up the sky and she realized it’s going to pour in a while, but she didn’t mind. She stared blankly on the street, as if counting how many cars already passed. She remembered the scene that occurred just a few minutes ago, she cannot believe that it will happen so fast like that. The big smile she was wearing earlier has become nothing but a memory, her face became flat for she doesn’t know how to react anymore. Her heart was crushed and tells her that it’s over, but in her mind, she insists that it was only a joke. She wanted to laugh because she wanted to take the hurt that she carries, but deep inside she wanted to burst into tears. She repeated the memory in her mind because she wanted to know how it all happened and what made it happen, but the memory scares her, just a second of it makes her fall into pieces, she was bleeding inside. The dress she wears makes her beautiful but for what happened, she felt the opposite.

The wind blew again and caressed her face, she felt drops of water on her body. She is drowning with loneliness, she wanted to hold back the tears but it’s too late.

Then it started to rain.